Ready for college car trunk

Get your Kids Ready for College and Beyond with Devon Bandison, RFL017

Get your Kids Ready For College and Beyond – Episode Overview

For many parents, we are counting the moments until we can release our kids from the house and out to their own lives. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them or don’t want to spend time with them – we just know it is time that they fly. All kids need this. They need to spread their wings, find their place and move forward in their lives. And getting them to this place is a great focus of parents and the reason for this podcast.

Attention and Intention

This week, our attention is on how to prepare our kids to leave home with the intention that, when they do, they show up successful, happy and responsible in today’s world – in whatever comes next for them.

Meet our guest Devon Bandison

Devin Bandison talks about getting your kids ready for collegeDevon Bandison is a speaker, author, podcaster and inspiring figure for dads to step bolding into their roles and to show up as the leaders in their own lives. He holds a Masters in Public Administration and, over the past 15 years, has created and delivered nationally recognized community programs providing professionals, fathers, youth and families with the tools to become more effective leaders. He is known as the connector – the person who can help others connect the dots to find their way through challenges to a meaningful and purposeful life.

He is a high performance coach and speaker who is committed to individuals and organizations that want to maximize their potential in areas of leadership, productivity, fatherhood, and work-life satisfaction. Devon’s signature talk “The Most Important Question A Father Can Ask Himself” has gained national recognition and was a featured TED Talk at TEDx Boca Raton in March 2015. He is the host of the Father is Leadership Podcast.

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Episode’s Key TakeAWays – to help your kids be ready to move out and on with life

  1. Spend both collective and individual time with your kids to better know them. Do things as a family (collective) and make time for the all-important one-one-one (individual) time. Both share significant information about who your kids are and what they are thinking.
  2. Set up family rituals – these create grounding for kids. It also helps them see the value of creating rituals in their own lives. Rituals are more important in homes where the parents are no longer together.
  3. Modeling success behaviors is critical to help kids learn how to be when they are out and on their own – for the day or permanently away. Identify the behaviors that matter and live them. ”Your audio should match your video.”
  4. Kids who have been introduced to serving and caring for others as kids, develop a stronger and more inclusive mindset when living out on their own. Help your kids see the value of community and family service.
  5. Values of life leaders are excellence, integrity and service.
  6. Help your kids find their unique thing – their purpose, their gifts, their spark; It is up to parents to create an environment for kids to discover who they really are. This is one of the most significant things we can do for our kids – it helps them courageously move into the real world.
  7. When parents regularly acknowledge and validate their kids, they help their kids develop confidence, self-esteem and a personal sense of value.
  8. Great parents are the “guide from the side, not the sage on the stage.” Support your kids to make their own decisions, not to repeat back yours. This helps them find and appreciate their unique voice.

Some question for parents:

  1. What do your kids seem to stop and notice – what interests do they have?
  2. How do you connect with your kids to find out what they know and how are they making decisions?
  3. In what ways can you shift as a parent to being the “guide from the side” not the sage on the stage?
  4. What family rituals do you create to help your kids feel grounded and safe, so that they can develop similar rituals

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Stop and Notice Challenge

Each week we ask you to stop and notice – to develop your skill of tuning in to you and your world. This week’s stop and notice challenge is:

  1.    Stop and Notice who your child has become. They grow up quickly – have you noticed who they are now as young adults?
  2.    Stop and Notice what gets your kids fired up and inspired. Are they connecting to these areas as they move out and move on with life or to go to college?
  3.    Stop and Notice the frequency and type of contact you have once your kids have move on in life. Is it done in a way that is meaningful for both of you?
  4.    Stop and Notice the wisdom you want your kids to have when they move out and are on their own. Do they have it?

Helping our kids be ready to move on to college or into life is our primary objective – to release them to the world to find their fit and go do amazing things with and in their lives. Celebrate their movement forward. Then, fill your life with new adventures with the space their departure creates.

Suggested Resource – Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be By Frank Bruni

Resource - BruniOver the last few decades, Americans have turned college admissions into a terrifying and occasionally devastating process, preceded by test prep, tutors, all kinds of rankings, and a conviction among too many young people that their futures will be determined and their worth established by which schools say yes and which say no.

That belief is wrong. It’s cruel. And in WHERE YOU GO IS NOT WHO YOU’LL BE, Frank Bruni explains why, giving students and their parents a new perspective on this brutal, deeply flawed competition and a path out of the anxiety that it provokes.

Bruni, a bestselling author and a columnist for the New York Times (and one of my favorite authors), shows that the Ivy League has no monopoly on corner offices, governors’ mansions, or the most prestigious academic and scientific grants. Through statistics, surveys, and the stories of hugely successful people who didn’t attend the most exclusive schools, he demonstrates that many kinds of colleges-large public universities, tiny hideaways in the hinterlands-serve as ideal springboards. And he illuminates how to make the most of them. What matters in the end are a student’s efforts in and out of the classroom, not the gleam of his or her diploma.

Where you go isn’t who you’ll be. Americans need to hear that-and this indispensable manifesto says it with eloquence and respect for the real promise of higher education.